Yes, finally

I can move on!

I can act calmly when he is around. I am not really nervous and can be myself.

I wish I can throw this feeling far away. I keep saying to myself that I don't deserve him and he is someone else's.

I wish I can end this soonest.

Pray for me!

Motivational

There was one day I walked to station bus to catch the earliest trip to my home.
Along the way, me and my friends chatting and you know what, gossiping about my colleague.
At the junction, we parted since we are going to different way.

I walked with umbrella since that day was raining. 200 meters ahead, i saw a couple sharing an umbrella, walked closely-and sweetly towards a traffic light.
It was green light for pedestrians then, so I paced up to cross the street.
When I was closer to the couple, I overheard the wife scolding the husband to cross the road quickly.

Turned out that the husband is with disability! He couldn't walk straight, seems like his leg twisted and he barely could walk by his own. He needed his wife to walk and that's why they walk together closely.

It was mind-blowing and I was like... wow.
They seemed happy from the back but when you come closer them, only then you can hear the shouting and the angry expression from both.
The expression showed up since both frustrate at each other.
The wife frustrates to her husband as he couldn't walk straight and at the same time they have to cross the road before red light.
And the husband frustrate because the wife keep scolding him.

As we can see this, it could happen with bigger picture. A marriage could seen as a happy one in an instagram, or in an event, but at the back, when we see it clearly and observe, the marriage is full of hatred and selfishness. No tolerance, no teamwork and no love. Everything changes as time goes by.

We, the outsider tend to judge them. Hey, you look happy but you aren't. You fake it.
But at the same time we aren't in their shoes, feel their pains and hardship to maintain the relationship so that people don't talk shit on them. We just criticize them, simply because they put their happy face in front and actually otherwise at back.

So, we shouldn't judge anyone's life just based on what they tried to show is not the same with what happened actually. There is always a reason why people behave like that.
We should mind our own business and pray the best for them. And hoping the hell that they're living now will be their Jannah soon.


Always make du'a for others :)

I really hate to say this..

It is really hard to move on and it seems like impossible.

I challenge myself to confess my feeling towards him, until one day

I saw him wandering with blurry face.

Makes me wonder, is he alright?

Why he looked so blur and at the same time his face is so lonely..

I wonder why

Is he okay?

Something just happened to him?

Move on is tougher than I thought, 

I keep praying so he can be away from me.

But the more I pray, the more I see him.

I seek Allah's help, to heal this wound and wish him happiness

And I seek Allah's help, for someone the best for me.

Biiznillah..

For my past, I forgive you and forget you.

Even sometimes it gives me hard time, but I know I can take it and move on.

I deserve someone else and you too.

Adios.

I don't deserve happiness

We always doubt ourselves, do we deserve to feel happy? Do we have the credential to be loved and respected?

Some of us might not feel how the others feel. We did mistakes, we repeated the wrongdoings and sometimes we forgot with what we have done. It such a shame and on the other day we hate to wake up in the morning to face the world. We hard to see people,engaged and involved, as the past keep haunting us. And, as the time goes by, and that things repetitively happens, we felt sad and start to think that we don't deserve happiness.

I was once felt that kind of feeling in my life. The thinking of me as 'undeserved', 'unwanted' and a troublemaker kept me away from the society. I barely felt excited to see old friends unless she is good friend of mine, I hate family gathering and hate to have a lunch sessions with someone that I argued at the office.

This kind of withdrawal makes me less confidence and directly affect my life growth. I have no confidence to get new man, to socialize even to hang out mamaks with my peeps. Slowly, people will accept that I am no longer a cool person, I am too sensitive and not someone that liable.

This thing grew for years in me until one day I realize that yes, I am inexcusable and can't be trusted but despite, I still deserve to be happy and the most important note is I am the person that responsible on my own happiness. No one can define you, no one can take charge on.

Always says to yourself "Hey, maybe you did wrong, but still you can repent and be better. Move on and don't take it too much until it affects you. Upgrade yourself and you deserve happiness"

Broken heart

Its a weird feeling.

You crush on someone, attracted to his politeness, good looking and well-behaved he is.
You start to change yourself, be better person, be more righteous.
Then, you developed one thing that a good girl should not, an obsession. Stalking non stop.
Now it is wrong, because initially the feeling was pure, to be closer to Him.

One day, you realized that you are not the one that matches with him.
He is good man, and you are not.
He is nice guy, but you are not.
He is a prince, and you are just a middle-class girl.

There is no chance he will like you.
You are just nobody.
So, you pray hard, so that you can just forget him.
You pray hard, so that this obsession will end.

And you thank Him, because this broken heart feeling eventually soothes you, in His way.

P/s : Thank you, for your existence. I learnt, I experienced this kind of feeling, and this feeling made me even closer to Him. And you deserve someone else.

Goals

Goals,

Assalamualaikum, 

Hehe harini rajin plus excited, so aku nak publish lagi satu post untuk tatapan diriku kemudian hari. 

Goals yang aku nak achieve ialah :

1) Hajj - rabbuna yusahhil
2) Travel. Yes, nak habiskan Asia dulu. And big mission : Balkan 2021.

Hangpa ada cadangan atau komen?

Husna, 

Yang suka jalan