Move on is tougher than I thought, 

I keep praying so he can be away from me.

But the more I pray, the more I see him.

I seek Allah's help, to heal this wound and wish him happiness

And I seek Allah's help, for someone the best for me.

Biiznillah..

For my past, I forgive you and forget you.

Even sometimes it gives me hard time, but I know I can take it and move on.

I deserve someone else and you too.

Adios.

I don't deserve happiness

We always doubt ourselves, do we deserve to feel happy? Do we have the credential to be loved and respected?

Some of us might not feel how the others feel. We did mistakes, we repeated the wrongdoings and sometimes we forgot with what we have done. It such a shame and on the other day we hate to wake up in the morning to face the world. We hard to see people,engaged and involved, as the past keep haunting us. And, as the time goes by, and that things repetitively happens, we felt sad and start to think that we don't deserve happiness.

I was once felt that kind of feeling in my life. The thinking of me as 'undeserved', 'unwanted' and a troublemaker kept me away from the society. I barely felt excited to see old friends unless she is good friend of mine, I hate family gathering and hate to have a lunch sessions with someone that I argued at the office.

This kind of withdrawal makes me less confidence and directly affect my life growth. I have no confidence to get new man, to socialize even to hang out mamaks with my peeps. Slowly, people will accept that I am no longer a cool person, I am too sensitive and not someone that liable.

This thing grew for years in me until one day I realize that yes, I am inexcusable and can't be trusted but despite, I still deserve to be happy and the most important note is I am the person that responsible on my own happiness. No one can define you, no one can take charge on.

Always says to yourself "Hey, maybe you did wrong, but still you can repent and be better. Move on and don't take it too much until it affects you. Upgrade yourself and you deserve happiness"

Broken heart

Its a weird feeling.

You crush on someone, attracted to his politeness, good looking and well-behaved he is.
You start to change yourself, be better person, be more righteous.
Then, you developed one thing that a good girl should not, an obsession. Stalking non stop.
Now it is wrong, because initially the feeling was pure, to be closer to Him.

One day, you realized that you are not the one that matches with him.
He is good man, and you are not.
He is nice guy, but you are not.
He is a prince, and you are just a middle-class girl.

There is no chance he will like you.
You are just nobody.
So, you pray hard, so that you can just forget him.
You pray hard, so that this obsession will end.

And you thank Him, because this broken heart feeling eventually soothes you, in His way.

P/s : Thank you, for your existence. I learnt, I experienced this kind of feeling, and this feeling made me even closer to Him. And you deserve someone else.

Goals

Goals,

Assalamualaikum, 

Hehe harini rajin plus excited, so aku nak publish lagi satu post untuk tatapan diriku kemudian hari. 

Goals yang aku nak achieve ialah :

1) Hajj - rabbuna yusahhil
2) Travel. Yes, nak habiskan Asia dulu. And big mission : Balkan 2021.

Hangpa ada cadangan atau komen?

Husna, 

Yang suka jalan

Assalamulaikum,

Ya Allah berhabuknya wall aku..

Last post was 2016, almost three years I'm not posting anything. Wikiki.
By the way, I'm now playing my role as a Master student and at the same time full-time worker.

Tiada apa yang menarik sepanjang tiga tahun ni, cuma ada beberapa benda yang aku dah capai :
1) Solo-travelling. Alhamdulillah lepas jugak aku nak buat benda ni. Memang dah teringin lama sangat nak travel sorang-sorang, nak merayau sorang-sorang sambil blend in with locals, tengok suasana masyarakat, budaya, lihat perbezaan dan ambil ibrah dan manfaat yang berguna untuk aplikasi dalam kehidupan. Allah Maha Baik, menjagaku sepanjang disana, menemukan aku dengan orang yang baik-baik dan shalih, serta menunjukkan aku perkara yang mungkin aku tak pernah nampak di tempat lain. Aku ke Acheh seorang diri, namun setibanya aku disana aku disambut oleh adikku. Tak pernah-pernah naik flight sorang-sorang tapi memang best sebab everything kita yang organize, kita yang plan dan kita sahaja yang enjoy. Plus, ditemani watak-watak baru sepanjang pengembaraan. Alhamdulillah.

Kalau korang ada can travel sorang, pergilah. Kenali diri sendiri, muhasabah diri dan masa ni fikir masak-masak apa kau nak dalam hidup ni.

But, make sure you got permission from your loved ones first !

 


2) Ada takaful untuk diri sendiri
3) Bahagia dalam kesederhanaan. Okay yang ni yang paling best. Semuanya sederhana selepas aku grad. Aku tak rush nak kejar GOT untuk Master, aku tak sibuk orang lain duk beli kereta, orang lain sibuk beli rumah dan orang lain sibuk kawin ada anak dan sebagainya tapi aku go with the flow. Tak rushing, bersyukur dan bersederhana. 2 years back, aku hidup dalam keadaan cemburu pada orang lain, stress sebab orang asyik perli bila nak siap thesis, rasa nak marah bila orang tanya bila nak kawin and nak je jawab makcik bila nak meninggal dan sakit hati bila orang banding-bandingkan atau orang perlekehkan kita. Now, I started to feel happy about myself, orang nak kata lantak pi hang, kerja banyak boleh tersenyum lagi. Thesis tak berusik boleh relax (okay ni tak baik) and tak rasa gopoh sangat nak achieve apa yang orang yang lain dah achieved. Basically, bila kau bersyukur, rasa sederhana iu cukup - but still kena be the best, dan rasa tenang, itulah kekayaan jiwa yang didambakan oleh semua manusia.
Benda ni tak terbeli dan kau tak rasa hidup ni kosong, in fact walaupun hang takde beg chanel, keta hang myvi ja dan hang still menumpang dirumah mak ayah, itu adalah cukup dan berharga. Alhamdulillah.


So far, ni je yang aku rasa aku puas hati kat diri aku. Ada hat lain tapi aku takmau cerita kat sini. Benda privacy yang di-accomplish dan still dalam improvement.

So, korang yang baca (kalau ada lah), macamana? Apa yang korang dah achieved so far?




Husna,
Yang suka jalan